Book Review: “Tenderness” by Eve Tushnet

Note from Executive Director Dennis D. Nelson:

Many thanks to a friend of Lutheran CORE for giving us a review of Eve Tushnet’s book, “Tenderness: A Gay Christian’s Guide to Unlearning Rejection and Experiencing God’s Extravagant Love.”  The reviewer finds in this book a hope-giving guide for same-sex attracted persons who seek to live lives that are faithful to the Scriptures as well as find healing from their pain as they draw near to God.  It is also a reminder to the followers of Jesus that we need to have the mind of Christ as we offer grace, encouragement, and support to people who are struggling with the issues in their lives as they seek to live lives that are faithful to God.  Here is a link to our Resources page and here is the link to the post on our website that offers resources for same-sex attracted persons as well as their pastors, church leaders, friends, and family members. 

Many Christian books have been written about LGBTQ+ concerns (homosexuality, transgenderism, etc.) from a traditionalist perspective.  Rarely, if ever, are these books written by and for members of the LGBTQ+ community, addressing their needs and concerns. 

Tenderness: A Gay Christian’s Guide to Unlearning Rejection and Experiencing God’s Extravagant Love meets the need for such a book.  The author, Eve Tushnet, is a practicing Roman Catholic who holds to a traditional sexual ethic.  Tushnet identifies as “gay”/”lesbian” (same-sex attracted); however, she lives a celibate life.  Tenderness is addressed specifically to persons who identify as “gay” or “lesbian” and/or who experience same-sex attraction.  Its aim is to help gays and lesbians to know God’s love for them, and to learn how to live faithful Christian lives, with love for God and obedience to the Church. 

Tenderness begins by acknowledging the pain that gays and lesbians have experienced.  Part I:  Hard Times details the various ways in which gays and lesbians have been needlessly harmed, both by the church (i.e., through sermons about “how the gays are destroying America”) and by the world (i.e., through “homophobic jokes”).  Tushnet affirms that holding to a traditional sexual ethic need not – and should not – result in inflicting these sorts of wounds. Tushnet also acknowledges the struggles of same-sex attracted persons who have tried and failed to eliminate their battle with same-sex attraction (i.e., “you’ve desperately prayed to become straight, night after night, often in tears”), then experienced the pain of being misunderstood and shamed for their persistent struggle with same-sex attraction.

Tushnet assures same-sex attracted persons that they aren’t alone, that their pain is not their fault, that there is hope for their healing, and – most importantly – that God loves them and cares for them.  By acknowledging their pain and by giving them hope, Tushnet takes crucial steps towards helping same-sex attracted persons to heal.  This healing, for many, is required for them to be able and willing to accept the Gospel of Jesus Christ with an open heart. 

The rest of the book provides teaching and practical help to Christian gays and lesbians.

Part II:  What If “Bad Things” Are…Good? addresses what gays and lesbians should do about not being able to have sex and/or to marry.  Drawing on St. Augustine’s concept of sin being disordered love which is in need of being rightly ordered, Tushnet explains how to rightly order “same-sex love”.  Tushnet gives the prospect of celibacy a positive outlook, challenging the notion that a celibate life is one that is condemned to loneliness, isolation, and deprivation. 

Part III:  The Church Suffering addresses the various kinds of suffering that Christian gays and lesbians endure: anger and sadness, abandonment and abuse, guilt and shame, doubts about the Christian faith, questioning the traditional sexual ethic.  Tushnet, again, assures those who have suffered in these ways that they are not alone in their suffering.  Then Tushnet guides them in the process of working through these challenging thoughts and feelings.  In so doing, Tushnet aims to help them (re)discover the beauty of the Christian life, to commit to the traditional sexual ethic with integrity, and to develop firm faith in Jesus Christ.

Part IV:  How to Know God’s Tenderness offers “specific practices or ways of thinking” which some gays and lesbians have found especially helpful.  These are meant to develop knowledge of God, trust in God’s goodness, experience of God’s love, and closeness to God. 

Tenderness provides an excellent resource for gays and lesbians who aspire to live faithfully, to heal from pain that has hurt their faith, and to draw near to God with faith.  * A note about language:  There is a dispute, among traditionalists, regarding whether or not Christians who experience same-sex attraction should identify as “gay” or “lesbian”.  Tushnet is comfortable with using these terms, but acknowledges the fact that some Christians are not, and would prefer to use alternate terms such as “same-sex attracted”.




Should We Put a Loved One Out of Her Misery?

Imagine a scenario where a loved one is suffering from an incurable condition and unimaginable pain.  And yet, antiquated laws have prevented her from finding peace once and for all. Shouldn’t they be changed to allow a medical professional to compassionately put her out of her misery?

This is the argument posed by physician-assisted suicide (PAS) advocates, and it has successfully changed numerous laws in the United States. But is death the only way to end pain? And do laws which allow PAS affect others in unexpected ways as well? Furthermore, could the legalization of PAS be abused?

First, let’s examine the facts. PAS is legal in many westernized countries today, such as Canada, the U.K., and Japan. But the country with the most PAS data is the Netherlands–one of the first countries to legalize the practice. Shockingly, PAS accounts for over four percent of all deaths in the Netherlands today, and the percentage is probably larger, since many such deaths go unreported. Furthermore, many euthanized were either unaware or incompetent to make this decision for themselves. Even children as young as twelve can be euthanized under the law. People can also be euthanized for depression in the Netherlands; eighty-three people were put to death for psychiatric conditions in 2017. Because of these facts, many Dutch citizens worry about being euthanized against their wishes. In fact, it is estimated that 10,000 Dutch citizens carry a “do not euthanize me” card just in case they become incapacitated.

Sadly, the United States is following in Holland’s footsteps. Already ten states and the District of Columbia have legalized the practice of PAS and the number of states which will legalize PAS in the future is expected to grow.

But what are the risks of legalizing PAS? Physician bias is always an issue. One only needs to find one doctor who is willing to approve nearly any request for euthanasia, and numerous unneeded deaths will be the result. Furthermore, as the price of health care increases, the possibility for coercion grows. Families will decide, often for economic reasons, that it’s best to end a loved one’s life rather than pay for long-term treatments which might result in financial collapse.

Is PAS even needed to control pain? One of the positive movements in recent decades has been the growth of the hospice movement and its effort to provide palliative pain care. The truth is that most pain conditions caused by life-threatening diseases can be alleviated using analgesic medications, including opioids. Indeed, proper hospice care has been able to extend life in many cases, even above the expected longevity of undergoing additional treatment.

Ultimately, as Christians, we need to understand how PAS does, or does not, fit into God’s plan for our lives. And as with any moral issue, Gods’ Word has to be our final guide.

One of the problems with today’s society is that there is no perceived value in suffering. Everything is solved with a pill. But God’s Word tells us otherwise. In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, Paul reflects on how the Lord told him that, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Paul writes, “Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” Our illnesses teach us about the kind of humility we need in order to have an honest relationship with the living God.

We must leave the power of life and death in the Lord’s hands. After his entire family was killed, Job wrote, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” We need to leave our mortality in the hands of God because we have a bright and shining future waiting for us – even after we die. At the end of time, “[God] will wipe away every tear from [our] eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away” (Rev. 21:4).

Rev. Dr. Dennis Di Mauro is pastor of Trinity Lutheran Church (NALC) in Warrenton, VA. He also teaches at St. Paul Lutheran Seminary and the North American Lutheran Seminary.




Devotional for March 18, 2018

GOD USES BROKENNESS
Devotional for March 18, 2018 based upon John 12: 20-33

Up to this point in His earthly ministry, Jesus has often said, “My hour has not yet come.” But now He has been welcomed by the Palm Sunday crowds. He knows that His death is near. And He hears that some people who are culturally Greek rather than culturally Jewish or Hebrew have come to Jerusalem for the Passover festival, and they want to meet Him. He sees their request as an indication that His ministry is beginning to reach out into other cultures. He sees the beginning of what is going to result from His death on the cross. So He knows that His hour has come. And because His hour has come, He wants to teach His disciples, His friends, a life lesson. Life will be filled with times of brokenness and turmoil. We will all have to face times and experiences in our lives that will challenge us, test us, stretch us, and push us to the very limit. How will we handle those situations? How will we be changed by and how will we grow from those experiences?

To make His point Jesus uses an illustration. “Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” Unless a grain of wheat is planted – is buried in the ground – it is never more than just a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it will sprout and reproduce itself many times over.

Now, generally speaking, there is no comparison between the value of a diamond and the value of a grain of wheat. But it all depends upon what happens to that grain of wheat. If you lock both of them away in a safe or in a safety deposit box for a hundred years, at the end of those hundred years the grain of wheat will still have basically no material value, while the diamond’s value may run into hundreds if not thousands of dollars. The same thing would be true at the end of a thousand years.

But suppose, instead, that you bury that grain of wheat in the warm, moist earth. And year after year, down through the centuries, you let it and everything that it produces keep on producing and producing. Eventually, a single grain of wheat can produce such an abundant harvest that the whole world would barely be able to contain the crop. To save the grain of wheat would mean to lose all that it is capable of producing.

And so, Jesus is saying, GOD USES BROKENNESS. It takes a broken seed to produce a crop. Broken clouds to give rain. Broken grain to give bread. And broken bread to give strength.

It took a broken bottle of perfume to give off such a strong fragrance and to be a love offering for our Lord Jesus to help Him prepare for His death. And it was a broken disciple, Peter by name, who was weeping bitterly after denying Jesus, who returned to greater power and effectiveness than he would have ever imagined. It takes a broken heart to be fully surrendered to the work and will of God. Yes, GOD USES BROKENNESS.

Maybe today you are facing such severe pain – physical, emotional, relational, or spiritual pain – that you wonder how you will ever be able to make it through. Psalm 34: 18 and 19 say – “The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit; many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord rescues them from them all.”

If your heart is broken, you can find God right there. If you get kicked in the gut, He will help you catch your breath. If you find yourself in trouble, He will be right there with you every time. Yes, GOD USES BROKENNESS – to make us whole, to empower us, to help us identity with others, and to draw us to Himself.

Dennis D. Nelson
President of the Board and Director of Lutheran CORE




Devotion for Monday, November 20, 2017

“They have prepared a net for my steps; my soul is bowed down; they dug a pit before me; they themselves have fallen into the midst of it.  My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises!”  (Psalm 57:6-7)

In the midst of the turmoil of the world, many will lament, curse God and join in the fray.  But will that change the rampant sin that prevails?  No, it will not.  Praise the Lord in all seasons and know that You have His promise that everything will work for His glory.  Know that the Lord is good in the midst of all that is not good.  Let your heart be steadfast and praise the Lord at all times.

Lord I often spend time in laments, but not in praise.  Praise is not an emotion, but an attitude.  Guide me to see in You hope and a future.  Lead me into the life to which You have called me that I would go with hope in You.  No matter what happens in this life, lead me O Lord to walk in Your ways, praising You for all that comes.  Keep my heart steadfast upon You.

Lord Jesus, You know the pain and suffering more than any other, for You took it all upon Yourself.  Help me know that this is true that I may walk with You confidently trusting in all that You have done.  Let me work through every adversity while You are shaping me day by day to be more like You.  Lead me, O Lord, and grant my feet the ability to follow.  Amen